The Pros and Cons of Babywearing

I have three beautiful children. As a parent, my style could be summed up in what is often referred to as Attachment Parenting. I have practiced extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping and babywearing with all three of my children. I've also been armed.

These practices have made for a rewarding, close and loving environment for my kids but there are some fall backs when it comes to defensive tactics.

The social and developmental benefits of babywearing are often debated among mommy groups all over the place, neither of which I will discuss here here. If you babywear you know the benefits of it for your family.

If you are interested in some basic babywearing and gun-carrying tips, please read Carrying A Gun And A Baby.

What we are going to discuss here is the narrow scope of the pros and cons of babywearing from a purely self-defense standpoint.

Pros:

- Free Hands
One of the best aspects of babywearing is that it allows for hands-free activity. Fighting, drawing a weapon, controlling an attacker long enough to gain access to a weapons, etc., are all easier with two free hands.

Whether the baby is front or back carried will also have an effect on how easy it is to work in a particular space or allow access to tools. Babies too young to sit up on their own are primarily carried in front carriers and wraps. However, this position limits your range of motion slightly with a child on your chest and if you carry a defensive tool on the front of your body they can hinder access to said tool, depending on how high you carry and the size of your child. It will also completely impede your access to something like a flashbang holster.

Front Body Carry Makes Center-line Carry More Inaccessible

Front carrying a baby with a front carry defensive (handgun, knife etc.) system also hinders your ability to look and reholster your tools. It's not a huge issue if it's a fight for your life, but it's something to consider.

- Baby Cannot Be Left Behind
This is both a pro and a con (as we will discuss later) but a baby that is physically strapped to your body obviously cannot be easily left behind.

One would think this would never be a concern but it is something that has happened on several occasions when it comes to violent crime or other emergency situations. This has a lot to do with the freeze, fight or flight response. These responses are designed for your personal self-protection and do not concern themselves with the defense of others. It is possible to leave your child behind in a flight response, but obviously not if that child is strapped to your body.

- Baby Is Secure
Child snatching is a huge concern for many parents, despite the fact that it is statistically unlikely to ever occur--especially via a stranger. That does not mean it cannot and has not happened, however. A baby attached to your body cannot be snatched either as a means of kidnapping or to be used as a tool of compliance. There is also no chance that your child will be accidentally dropped in panic.

- Movement Is Easier
To a degree, movement is easier when you are carrying a baby on your body. Yes, having an 8-20 lbs. child strapped to your body does degrade your movement to some point, but it's a lot easier to move around with your child strapped to your body than with a baby in a stroller. If trying to escape a burning building I'd absolutely prefer to have my child strapped to me than in a stroller or in my arms. I would be less likely to drop my child, get caught up fumbling with my baby and a door, or have him knocked from my arms by other panicked patrons.

Cons:

- Holster Systems Can Be Hindered

Back Carry Allows More Access to Tools Carried on the Center-line of the body

This is the single most common issue I see with babywearing and carrying. Because of the nature of baby carriers that attach around the waist, over the chest, and across the back, some of the most common carry locations for firearms are compromised or hindered due to the carrier or baby interfering with the holster or draw. Sometimes it's a simpler solution like changing the babywearing method or going to a different holster. Sometimes it means coming up with an entirely different defensive carry system depending on the method of carrying the child. What I have seen in practice is parents compromising access and putting their guns and holsters in places that are impractical and potentially dangerous for a self-defense situation.

But that will be a blog for another day.

- Damage To You Means Damage To Baby
Herein lies the single most terrifying part of wearing a baby from a defensive standpoint: If you take damage, it's highly likely your baby will as well. In other words, babywearing is like pregnancy. While pregnant and under attack there is nothing you can reasonably be expected to do to protect your child. The same goes for babywearing. Because you can't put your baby down or distance yourself and because your baby is so exposed if you are taking fire, it's highly likely your baby is going to be shot. If you are under a knife attack, it's likely your baby is going to be cut. If you are being kicked or hit or punched, it is likely your baby is going to be on the receiving end of those blows as well.

You could certainly try to shield your baby from harm by turning him or her away and placing your own body between yourself and the attacker, but even that is no guarantee your child will not come to harm.

As terrifying as that is to consider, it is something that must be addressed. If all of your preventive measures are overlooked and someone chooses to visit violence on you while babywearing you must be aware and prepared for the fact that it will likely mean harm to your child.

- Baby Cannot Be Left Behind Or Handed Over
As promised, I told you this was both a pro and a con. The con side of this particular coin is that you cannot leave your child behind to draw fire or violence away from them. If you are the target and not your child and the violence is centered on you, there is no quick, easy way to separate yourself from your child or give your child to someone who can take him or her out of harm's way. If the fight is on it's going to require fighting around the child.

- Fighting Is Harder
Hand-to-hand fighting is hard enough. Doing it with a 10-20 lbs. weight strapped to your back or front will make it harder. Your center of gravity is off. Your range of motion is restricted. Your ability to clench up or ground fight is almost gone. Roundhouse kicks? Front snap kicks? Vicious knees? All harder with a child strapped to your body. Not to mention the elevated degree of violence you may need may mean harm to your child.

- Running Is Not An Option
Let me rephrase: Running is always an option. It's not always a good option, but it is an option. Remember that women often cannot run as fast as men. If you are a man, 20 lbs. of strapped baby will probably hinder you as well.

If you have an opportunity to escape to safety you absolutely should take it! However, you have to reasonably understand what your capacity for escape is when you are carrying a child. Even if you are a runner, your ability to sprint with a child will be hampered. Try it sometime.

Thankfully, crime against parents while they carry their babies is still quite low. While it does happen, it's not so common as to be expected. That being said, it's still a possibility.

When the pros and cons are weighed exclusively from a defensive standpoint, babywearing is a terrible defensive tactic and has no real advantage and lots of disadvantages that can be devastating for both the parent and baby.

That being said, babywearing does have great developmental, bonding and even health benefits for the parent and baby. Whether or not one decides to continue to babywear should be based on all of those factors as well as risk factors for actual violence.

There are those who may decide that babywearing increases the difficulty in defending themselves too much and decide to no longer babywear. If that's the case, that's fine.

While I have continued to babywear, I have amended my practices to make the outcome better for the both of us.

-Be smart about when and where you wear your baby.
This should go without saying, but it stands to reason that making smart decisions about where, when and who you are with when you babywear is going to help with your defensive options.

Do you and your husband and your kids all have to go to the grocery store? Can you or your husband stay home snuggling the baby while the other goes to the store by him or herself for some alone time and therefore not have to worry about defensive situations with a child in tow?

If required to go some place with a higher rate of violent crime, might it be better to place your child in a stroller vs babywear? It may seem counter-intuitive, as parents like to collect their children to their persons when they feel threatened, but from a purely defensive perspective it may not be the best tactic.

-Have a means to get your baby off of you as quickly as possible.
This will have a lot to do with your type of chosen baby carrier. Buckle carriers are quicker to get in and out of than wraps, so given the choice between the two you might want to choose the one that is easier to get out of.

Safety Cutter on the Benchmade Triage

Make no mistake about it, in an immediate, violent attack on your life you are not going to have time to remove your baby from your person. However, immediately after or if in a lull or in other emergency situations, you might need to get your baby off you and quickly. Carrying items like safety cutters or seatbelt cutters for straps or wraps may be an advisable option. Be sure to carry them in a location they can be quickly accessed.

-Decrease the clutter you carry.
If you babywear, it's imperative that all other loads be kept to a minimum. Any additional bag will be that much more of a hindrance. Keep your on-body carry to your baby,  pepper spray, your gun, your safety cutter and/or knife, money, identification and carry permit (if required), and phone. Avoid putting your gun in any off-body carry system, and if you must have another bag for diapers and baby gear keep that gear to a minimum and be ready to ditch the bag.

-Increase your personal boundaries.
It's not easy to keep people away from you. We live in a world where people will encroach upon your personal space and it's unrealistic to think you will be able to keep a ten foot radius of empty space around you at all times. That being the case, it's still important to be aware of who gets within your space and control it as best you are able.

Move away from people if you can, be alert and aware of those who are around you and tell people to stop and back up who make you uncomfortable. Most people who do not intend harm, but may also think you are a little nutso, will respect your request for distance. Those who do not are of more concern and may lead to my next point...

-Carry a less-than-lethal option.
This is not a suggestion as much as a command. Go! Do! Get pepper spray and carry it! Period.

Not everyone who is a threatening presence deserves to be, or can legally be, shot. But they might deserve a good dose of pepper spray. As an individual who should now be able to articulate the reasons why you cannot fight or escape with a baby strapped to your body, you may be able to explain why you preempted by pepper spraying someone who was escalating and making you feel threatened.

This absolutely does not mean that you get to go around pepper spraying people who make you feel uncomfortable. It is, however, an advisable alternative to going hands-on or escalating immediately to lethal force.

-Practice your defensive options with your chosen babywearing options.
Go to the range with your wrap or baby carrier and a weighted baby-doll or bag of kitty litter. Practice drawing and shooting, moving, magazine changes, and single-handed shooting. If you find errors in your carry system work them out now.

Babywearing and carrying a gun may not be the best tactical practice but that doesn't mean it can't or shouldn't be done. If you choose to do it, make sure you do it as wisely as possible. Take some practical steps to ensure both you and your baby are as safe and secure as possible.

Situational Awareness With Children

There's a funny advertisement about how children are time thieves and parents are willing victims. It's a humorous ad that rings with quite a bit of truth. In addition to time, children als
o steal attention, energy, patience, and maybe a little sanity.

Situational awareness has been a hot topic on my facebook page of late. My goal has been to better represent its purpose and limitations. While talking about situational awareness a mother asked whether or not situational awareness was possible with children in tow.

My two oldest being goofballs

My answer, I presume, was not much help to her.

I said, "Yes. No. Maybe."

I promised to clarify and herein is that clarification.

In order to answer the question more thoroughly we must define what situational awareness is. At its core, it is a skill. Like any skill, it must be practiced.

Some people are born gifted with situational awareness, most are not. Training can be acquired to help people interpret what they are seeing and what to do with that data. Like any other skill, however, practice falls to the individual attempting to be more aware of their surroundings.

Can you be situationally aware with children?

Maybe.

That depends a lot on the person attempting to be aware--in this case, the parent.

What kind of situational awareness did that parent have before they had children? Were they the type to walk down stairs or into water fountains or did they have a sense of their surroundings and what was going on? What was the focus of their situational awareness?

People interested in self defense tend to look at their surroundings in a far more critical light of potential danger from violent crime and other environmental hazards.

It makes sense that people are are already alert and aware are easier to guide toward defensive situational awareness. On the other hand, there are the No people who couldn't tell you the color of the car they drive to work every day. They might have a little further to go and must first practice awareness in general before it can be directed to any one area such as self defense. They may be completely overwhelmed when asked to be aware while also caring for a child.

Take an aware individual, train them what to look for and give them children and I say, Yes! They absolutely can be aware with children--although there may be an adjustment period.

Children, especially really little ones, suck attention as easily as they suck milk. If they aren't demanding it with screams to be fed, changed, burped or held we are giving it to them willingly while we lovingly watch them sleep, smile, coo and play. It is easy (or should be easy) to allow your child to get 100% of your attention. A parent (in my opinion) should specifically structure times when they purposefully give their children 100% of their attention. In general, however, that time and place should be of the parents time and choosing as to make sure it is appropriate and you are secure.

One cannot simply kneel down in the middle of the street and give their child 100% attention to look at the pretty penny on the ground when a truck is barreling down on them. It may also not be wise to gaze playfully at your child at the park while overlooking the strange individual stalking you or to put your full attention into your child's temper tantrum and miss exit signs and safe havens for emergency situations like fire and weather.

Before you give your child all of your attention ask yourself these questions:

1. Are we reasonably safe?
2. Who is near me?
3. How do we get out of here?

In the example I gave above, the middle of the street is not a safe place to stop and talk about the joys of copper. Another example might be going to the park. It may be a safe place provided it is well maintained but you may take a moment to mentally catalog the individuals there, who they are with and what they are doing. Other parents with children are to be expected. Make note of people who aren't accompanied by children (male or female). Note any and all escape routes (particularly unconventional ones) and take moments to periodically update that information.

There are times and places where it's far easier to give your child your full, undivided attention because you have far more control of the place and time. At home where the location can be secured, you intimately know the individuals in that location and you have already devised a fairly unchanging escape plan is one of the best places to exchange quality attention time with your kids.

Do you have any situational awareness to speak of? If not, now's the time to start practicing. It's impossible to have perfect situational awareness at all times, so don't get frustrated when you find yourself struggling. There will also be times when your kids will steal your attention unexpectedly. That's okay. Keep working at it.

If you're already situationally aware but not sure how to incorporate your kids, here are some tips that might help:

• Think of yourself as your child's bodyguard. 

Hired bodyguards don't spend a whole lot of time looking at the person they are guarding because the threat doesn't come from that individual. The threat comes from around you. Be looking around you.

• When your child is demanding your attention, decide if it's an emergency or something that can wait until you are in a better location.

A child who has fallen and broken his arm is having an emergency. He needs to be dealt with. A child who is screaming because you aren't allowing him to have a candy bar can be dealt with somewhere else (even if you have to drag him there).

• If you can't look at your children, touch them or have them touch you.

Hold hands. If you only have two hands and more than three children or want a hand or both hands free have your children hold your bag, the stroller, a cart or your clothes.

• Incorporate your children into your awareness.

Play awareness games like ISpy. Have the older children tell you everything they see behind you while you strap the younger ones into seats or load groceries. Make games out of finding all of the exit signs, fire extinguishers and AEDs. Ask them to count how many people are in the room or cars in a parking lot. Ask them where they might hide if there was a bad guy, etc.

• Trust your child's instincts and teach your children to trust them as well. 

When your child shies away from an individual or tells you they don't like a certain circumstance, as much as possible, err on the side of following the child's lead. They have a strong sense about people.

• Make yourself known.

If you live in or frequent the same areas and see the same people over and over again introduce yourself and your children. If there's an emergency they can be helpful in reconnecting you with your children or feel more comfortable alerting you to strange things happening. They will also be able to better identify strangers around your children.

• Know your children and plan for their needs.

I have a 5 month-old a 2 year-old and a 5 year-old. My youngest is not mobile. If I want him to move I have to move him or give him to someone who can move him for me. My little girl is independent and opinionated but still requires contact with her mom or dad in public to feel safe. She will not run away from me or her father if she feels threatened. I will need to carry her with me, give her to someone who can carry her or leave her to draw attention away from her if need be. My oldest is able to understand the concepts of danger. If given specific commands I trust him to be able to run, hide or escape on command. As my children get older their roles in their own defense and that of their siblings may change. Determining their levels of understanding and response takes constant evaluation on my part in addition to mock drills. Your child may be old enough to understand making emergency calls or be trusted with getting his or her siblings to safety or they might be handicapped and need more assistance. Take those things into account and plan for them.

• Strategically place yourself.

Sit where you can see entrances and exits. Sit closer to exits (particularly ones that are not also entrances). Park where you have the best views of both the store and blind spots.

• Be mindful of what you carry.

Parents (especially parents with kids still in diapers) tend to carry a lot of stuff. As much as possible, try to limit what you carry with you to limit what you are needing to juggle in a time of need or what might potentially attract the attention of someone looking to victimize you.

• Be aware that the best response may mean leaving or drawing attention away from your children.

Depending on the type of emergency of violence coming against you it is important to note that the safest place for your child might not be with you. In order to increase their chance of survival you might have to give them to a stranger or push them away while you draw violence toward yourself and away from them. Start thinking of scenarios where leaving your children might be the best option for their survival and when it might not.

• Decide if your exit plan will accommodate strollers and baby carriers.

When you enter a building, immediately start thinking about how you and your children might make a hasty exit and whether or not you will be able to do that with the gear you may have brought in. If you have three children or more it might be easier to pile them all on a stroller and run them out. On the other hand, if you need to escape through a narrow or unconventional place that a stroller won't fit through you might have to ditch the stroller. It may mean pushing them so far and carrying the rest of the way, but consider circumstances where you might have to ditch the baby gear.

Situational awareness with children is possible if you can build off of existing awareness and tailor it to fit your needs as a family.

How might you increase awareness while out and about with your children?

A special thank you to Kathy Jackson for all her good advice over the years.

What Advice Would I Give My Younger Self?

What advice would I give my younger self?

Man, that's a hard one.

I've been trying to answer that question ever since Baz Luhrmann came out with the song "Everybody's Free" in 1999. I still don't know what I'd tell my younger self in regards to life to prepare myself for the future. Maybe that's as it should be. I probably wouldn't have listened to myself anyway. My life has been a journey of ups and downs, failures and successes, surprises of all kinds. And not knowing has always been half the fun. Overall, I have nothing to complain about.

Today, however, A Girl And A Gun challenged those on her facebook page to reveal what they would tell their younger selves in relation to self defense.

That, I can do!

It's a narrow enough scope that I can pinpoint specific areas where I could have been better prepared to face the evils of life.

The original challenge was "what would you tell your 20 year-old self?" Well, I'd have to go a lot younger than that to really do much difference in the scope of protecting myself or preventing some of the worst tragedies in my life.

How young? That's a tough one, too.

I decided to look at it from the perspective of a mother. I look at my two sons and my daughter and I think, "When should I start teaching them these lessons?"

The answer is now!

So, if I could go back in time and teach my younger self some self defense lessons I'd go back to the times of a little girl who was terrified of flushing toilets, learning how to tie her shoes, how to write the number "4" and stealing her mother's high heels out of the closet to wear around the house and these are the things I would tell her:

- It's okay to say, "No!" 
In fact, you need to say no. You need to have boundaries and it's good to have boundaries. People who don't respect your boundaries aren't people you should have in your life.

- Your body is your own. PERIOD!
With EXCEPTIONALLY few exceptions, no one has the right to touch you, hold you or ask you to do something with your body that you don't want to do. You don't owe anyone your body.

- Your parents are wrong.
A lot of society will be wrong, too. They will tell you things like, "You are safe here," "This person is okay," "Stay in public places. The public will protect you," "Good girls don't hit." It's confusing, I know, when people you trust tell you things they believe to be true and they turn out to be wrong. It doesn't mean they don't love you, it means they were human. You'll have to learn to discern the truth for yourself and that's where your own instincts, life experience and feelings will have to come in.

- Listen to your instinct.
When that inner voice says, "Something's not right," listen to it. Don't try to talk yourself out of it. Don't let other people downplay your feelings or talk you out of them. You're having those feelings for a reason. But here's a newsflash for you, sweety, you'll be wrong from time-to-time, too.

- It's okay to be angry. 
There are people who waste their lives on anger. They are consumed by it and use it for minor issues where it has no place or they use it disproportionately to the offense. Or they dwell in it, wallowing in it in misplaced comfort and failing to use it as the tool of action it should be. There are also people who never use anger for fear of it. They allow people to misuse them and abuse them and never get angry enough to change their situation.

Don't be either one of those people. Don't misuse or neglect anger. Don't be afraid of it, either.

Anger is a tool of action when you have suffered a legitimate hurt or injustice. Get angry--even if you need to get angry at someone you love. Use that anger to cut through the fear, the societal norms, the lies you've been told about how you or a "good girl" should act. Use it to give you the courage to act, to stand up for yourself, to do something about your situation. If you need to, use that anger to act immediately to save yourself. If it's after the fact, use that anger to give you courage to seek help. Learn to use it appropriately and to the right degree. Then, learn to put that anger away. As useful of a tool as it can be, it will destroy you and your relationships with those you love if you overuse it.

- Learn to hit.
Despite what you've been told, good girls DO hit. They hit hard and in the right way and at the right time. Be a good girl. Learn to hit!

- Get strong.
Seriously! Do it now. Lift weights. Screw running! Your life and the defense thereof will be way easier the younger you do this and the better you maintain it. You'll probably save yourself a lot of aches and pains and open up a lot more opportunities for yourself, too.

- Don't mistake your skill or defensive tool as a talisman.
I know you won't, but here's a reminder anyway. As you get older you will learn the hard lesson that there is no magic talisman against evil. Saving yourself will mean hard work. It will mean exercising your boundaries, your anger, your common sense, instincts, avoidance and learning proficiency with whatever tool or discipline you choose (Hint: choose as many as you can and take time working them all when you can). It will mean working that tool or discipline as regularly as you can which will demand money and time. You will need to keep working those tools and skills and it will become a part of who you are but it won't define you and it shouldn't. Avoiding or defeating evil is a tiny, TINY part of what will make up your life and the joys therein (as it should be), but that doesn't mean you should neglect developing and maintaining your skills in that area.

No one is as devoted or available to defend yourself as you are. You need to be in a condition--physically, mentally, skillfully--to do the fighting for yourself.

- Not everyone is out to get you.
There will be people you trust who will betray you. They will hurt you. They will make you question everything you thought you knew about life, love, trust and who you are. You won't be right about everyone and you will be hurt. Sometimes more than others. Sometimes just emotionally, sometimes physically. But there are other people who do love you. They legitimately want to help, encourage and support you. They won't test your boundaries, instead they will help you build new, stronger ones. They will love you. Rest securely in the love of those people. Seek out those people. Appreciate them, as I know you will. It will be your relationships with those people and the people you meet (and even create with a special someone down the road) that will make it all worth it in the end.

The Child Trauma Kit

A commercial tourniquet on five year-old's arm.
Too big!

Thankfully, major trauma to children is not common. Even less common is major trauma to children due to violence.

However, since we are in the interest of being prepared for the eventuality of all disasters, we might as well cover the horrid reality of violent trauma to your child.

In my Realities and Legalities of Child Snatching series I touched on the possibility of your child being injured in an altercation between a parent and a kidnapper and that commercial trauma kits do not often account for the size differences and special needs of children.

First, in the interest of brevity I'm going to skip talking about trauma kits, what is in them and how to use them. For the purpose of this blog I'm going to assume you have one and have been trained in its use. If you don't have one and don't know how to use it I highly recommend you seek out a combat medicine class.

I want to talk specifically about children and at what ages your trauma kit and skills might need a little adjusting.

Soon after children hit puberty, while they are technically and legally still children, their bodies develop quickly into adult capabilities. While medical dosing and treatment might be different, for trauma management your average junior to senior high school students may not need any specialized equipment. That may not be the case for every child so assess your own child and what you might need for him or her but for the most part you can use a standard trauma kit on post-pubescent children with adequate results.

Prepubescent and adolescent children (called pediatrics in the medical community), on the other hand, are not miniature adults. They can handle some traumas well but not others and their bodies are often not able to compensate for injuries like an adults.

They have different blood pressures, pulses and breathing rates. They cannot take the blood loss an adult can and their lungs often give out far faster than an adult's. Depending on the age, their lungs also cannot handle aggressive positive pressure from artificial ventilation like an adult. When children suffer major traumas they need specialized care and quickly.

The number one cause of heart failure in a child is respiratory distress (they cannot breathe). So a child that is struggling to breathe can deteriorate quickly into a child who's heart is not beating.

Taking those things into consideration let's consider an absolutely worst case scenario:

Your child has been shot. Be this an active shooter event, a shooting at a school function, etc, you are now the sole provider for your child until paramedics arrive.

You have your trauma kit. A lot of the products in that kit such as gauze, surgical sponges, duck tape, occlusive dressings, will directly apply to trauma in children but let's talk about what may not and what you might want to keep an eye out for and add for your child.

Tourniquets:

Make sure your fingers at least touch
around a child's extremity for best results.

Many people who carry trauma kits buy them prefabricated off the internet. These kits often come with easy-one-hand-use tourniquets such as the CAT or SWAT-T. While many of them may be adjustable down to pediatric sizes some are not and you may spend too much time trying to adjust the tourniquet that you could be spending getting the bleeding under control.

Alternatives:
Your hand.

An adult's hand is often the perfect tourniquet for a young child. Encompass the fingers 1-2 inches above the wound and squeeze while applying pressure on the wound with the palm or heel of the hand. The combination of pressure and squeezing off blood flow can get bleeding under control quickly or buy you time to adjust your other tools or direct someone in adjusting your equipment or improving a tourniquet. To see if your hands are big enough, try to encompass your child's arms or legs at their thickest points (the thigh and the upper arm). If your fingers don't touch at the back, know that you may need to improvise a tourniquet for that extremity.

A triangular bandage is quickly applied to
this tiny 2 year-old's arm.

Triangular bandage.

A triangular bandage can make a great tourniquet and can often be applied faster than some commercial products. I recommend carrying at least two or three triangular bandages in case you need more than one tourniquet (think Boston Bombing) and they come in handy for many other purposes. You can buy boxes of twelve off of Amazon for less than $10.

Pressure Bandages:
As with tourniquets, pressure bandages often come in trauma kits and can be too big for some little bodies or take too much time to apply with all the excess material.

Alternatives:
A fantastic alternative to a commercial pressure bandages is gauze and Coflex or Self-Adherent Stretch Sensi-Wrap. It can be torn to size and provides very good pressure (even to tourniquet tightness if you wrap it tight enough). It comes in different widths and is a fantastic thing to throw in any trauma bag even for adult trauma.


Things to Consider Adding:

A nasal and/or oral airway kit.



As I said before, the number one reason for cardiac arrest in children is respiratory distress and children's lungs often give our faster than an adults. After you've controlled bleeding, if the child is quiet, gasping for air or seems to not be breathing well you may have to preform CPR on that child and breathe for him or her at any moment. Take time to consider the normal breathing rate for your child so that you can better gauge what it is too fast or too slow. Children's airways are small and while an oral or nasal airway is not as good as intubation, it will at least keep the tongue out of the back of the throat and keep the mouth slightly open while you preform breaths for the child.

A good tip to remember is if a child is crying, he's breathing. The sounds of your child screaming in such a situation should be music to your ears. A quiet child that is injured is one you need to watch very carefully for respiratory distress and heart failure.

Pediatric airway adjuncts are not big but they do take up space. Many people who carry them prefer to carry the whole kit in case they need to help others. If you are strapped for space, however, you can pick out the airways that will fit your children and put those in your kit. Whether you carry the whole kit or not, it's still a good idea to measure out the airways for your children so that you don't have to take time measuring them under duress.

Click this link for step-by-step instructions on measuring and inserting an oral or nasal airway and when to use one vs the other.

Things to Tell 911:
When you call 911 be sure to specify that there is a pediatric child on scene. If someone else is making the call be sure tell them to specify "Pediatric" or "Child." Give the age, weight and injuries and what you are doing to help that child. Specifying the weight will allow paramedics to start calculating possibly needed doses for medications they may have to give on scene. If CPR is in progress be sure that is made very clear to dispatch.

Some ambulances have separate pediatric bags and med boxes they need to grab and they often will not grab that bag or box unless they know a pediatric patient is on scene. If it's a mass casualty scene they may have a larger jump kit with pediatric tools included but don't count on it. Knowing there is a pediatric on scene in advance will save time from someone having to run back to an ambulance and get the correct med box or bag.

Training You Need:
If you have a child you should know CPR. This is a must. Given choking hazards and other medical emergencies, CPR should have been something you already have been trained in. If not, get it.

If your CPR class does not include practice on inserting oral and nasal airways, ask them if they have them available to try on the dummies. Many places that teach CPR will at least have them on hand and might be willing to allow you to practice and critique your technique.

Organize your kit:
My supplies for my children are in a separate MOLLE pouch on the side of my bag vs buried with all of the other trauma stuff in the main compartments. It gives me peace of mind knowing exactly where they are and that they are easily accessible. Even if you can't make separate kits for your kids vs yourself, have them accessible and well labeled. You might not be the one using them or you might have to direct someone else in their use if you are too injured to do it yourself.

Again, thankfully, traumatic injuries to children due to violence are rare but it's better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. That goes for tools AND skills.

Skills:

Tourniquet with hand.

1. We're going to assume the blue X on this five year-old's arm is an aggressive hemorrhage.

2. Cover it with a dressing.

3. Place the heel of the hand on the dressing and apply pressure while you wrap your fingers around the arm about 1 - 2 inches above the wound. Make sure your fingers touch to stop all blood flow and squeeze.

4. If bleeding is stopped I can apply a pressure bandage with Coflex self-adhesive tape or a triangular bandage.
The smaller size Coflex might work better for such a small arm.

Tourniquet with triangular bandage.

Realities and Legalities of Child Snatching: Part 3

Note: Throughout this blog I refer to some legal code and legal issues. All codes quoted are for the state of Iowa. Check for differences in your own state code. I am not a lawyer and all opinions are from a layman's perspective.

In Part One, we discussed the legalities of determining whether or not your could reasonably use lethal force against someone who snatched your child from you, what kidnapping is and what it is not.

In Part Two, we discussed using less-than-lethal force against someone holding your child, whether or not it is necessary and the types of force one can employ.

In this segment we are going to discuss using lethal force against someone holding your child and the realities of what that might entail if it is, indeed, necessary.

PART THREE: LETHAL FORCE AGAINST SOMEONE HOLDING YOUR CHILD

The scenario we opened with in the beginning of this series was a woman who snatches a child from a mother who is attempting to put the child into a carrier. The woman believes the carry method is unsafe and holds the child, neither threatening the child nor the mother but does not return the child to the parent.

In Part One and Two the woman doing the snatching never implied any harm to the child or the parent.

In this segment we are going to take all ambiguity out of it and up the stakes.

The child is snatched, the woman refused to return the child and has produced a weapon and stated she intends to do the child harm and lethal force is justified.

I know many parents who have stated they would rather have their child die in front of them from a bullet they fired than have their child taken, tortured, molested or assaulted and never found or found mutilated days, months or years later. I'm inclined to agree but I think every one of us would do our best to minimize the chances of that happening. The problem is that not many parents know how to minimize those risks. Without the proper information, training and practice their skills set them up for potentially killing the very person they are trying desperately to defend.

First, let's talk about guns. For the sake of brevity I'm going to assume you are armed, your firearm is in good working order and accessible. I'm also going to assume that you can access this firearm without having to neutralize an attack first. You are set to take the shot.

1. Shooting The Hostage Taker (Distance Shots)
Deciding when to shoot is the question of the ages. There is a delicate balance of timing, distance, threat and more and when you put a child--YOUR child--between yourself and the bad guy you are upping the stakes considerably, especially if your child is being threatened with death or serious bodily harm, or worse, in the process of being harmed.

I have done lots of hostage-taker shooting, both with actual hostage targets in shoot houses and in IDPA-type matches where no-shoot targets are overlaid on hostile targets. The most challenging (and dare I say, realistic) are when either the no-shoot or the hostile targets also move.

It's not easy.

As accurate as a bullet has potential to be, it is only as accurate as you are and I have seen MANY bullet holes in hostages or no-shoot targets. I have put some of them there.

Finding little data for civilians shooting hostage-takers, I asked a trainer friend of mine who routinely puts concealed carry pistol students through live-fire shoot houses with a variety of hostage targets if he would estimate how many of the students shoot the hostage and this was his response:

"I'd guess 50%. Others miss everything. Others make a very poor shot on bad guy and very very few actually make a stopping hit on bad guy. I've learned. Never be a hostage...."

Keep in mind. Most of these targets do not move. They are static targets and the hostage is hit as often as 50% of the time. Now imagine that hostage is your child.

For individuals advocating "just shooting" the man (or woman) who took your child. Could you reasonably expect to hit the bad guy vs your own child? What practice or training have you done to make you more confident in your abilities? If the individual is running with your child do you know if you need to lead the target or how to lead the target and at what distances you would need to increase that lead with your particular caliber or gun? Can you do that under duress? When's the last time you practiced such skills?

Sometimes a distance shot is the only option. Can you physically make that shot? What if you could attempt a contact shot?

2. Shooting The Hostage Taker (Contact Distance)
I like contact shots and in a hostage situation involving my child where there was clear intent to do my child harm or to kill him I would hope for the opportunity to make a contact shot vs a distance shot.

Why? Because there's less chance of my child being hit or injured and I might even be able to take temporary control of my child in order to make a better shot.

One of the many parts of the Partner Tactics class I attended that was enlightening to me (and again in Extreme Close Quarters) was the concepts of "Partner Rescue." Or, in this case, child-hostage rescue.

In order to understand how dangerous it is to shoot at two people--one of which you have a vested interest is NOT injuring--you must understand that shooting a gun is not instantaneous. It's fast, but many times it's not fast enough.

In the time between deciding to shoot and the bullet impacting the intended target, your intended target could very well have moved or been moved. This is why follow-through is so important to accurate shooting and why moving individuals who you don't intend to shoot get shot.

How do you keep that from happening?

You need to buy yourself time through control.

In other words, you need to get yourself into the mix.

For an adult partner we practiced doing this by grabbing onto your partner and moving with him or her, finding a free space on the attacker that would ideally be incapacitating (more on that later), contacting it with the muzzle of the firearm, finding an angle that will not allow any pass-through bullets to hit one's self or the partner, backing off the muzzle so that it was not forced out of battery (in the case of a semi-auto) and taking the shot.

Yes, it's a lot. It may mean getting beat up a bit as the three of you wrestle around and sometimes there are no perfect angles. But it beats the heck out of trying to make a distance shot on a moving target with your child in arms even if that distance is mere feet.

For a child, I would ideally find a way to wrap my arm around the child and pull him or her to myself or myself into him and the individual holding him. If possible I might even try to tear the child away from the individual holding him or her. Might I injure the child in the process? Yes. But I'd rather a broken or twisted arm than a bullet hole. This might change if the child is an infant and violent movement could result in coup-countercoup (whiplash) or similar injuries. The rest of the steps would be identical.

The only potential good thing about shooting an adult holding a child is that children are very small shields. You may have more available targeting areas and less worry about pass through striking the child. A grown adult male holding an infant leaves most of his head, abdomen and lower extremities completely exposed.

3. Targeting
When it comes to shooting someone who is threatening the life or limb of your child, dare I say there is no "bad" shot but there are better shots.

Bones of the Skull

Many people like head shots and for good reason. There's a lot of really vital stuff up there and a good head shot gives you a pretty good chance of complete incapacitation vs something like an abdomen or extremity shot where the fight can continue for even extended periods of time.

But even head shots are not guaranteed show stoppers. Heads are exceptionally well fortified with bone. Bullets have been known to bounce off or fail to penetrate said bone, particularly the frontal, jaw (mandible), occipital and parietal bones. Some ricochets have even been fatal to those nearby. You certainly wouldn't want your ricocheted head shot to be the thing that killed your child. 

Though the facial bones and the side bones (the temporal and sphenoid) are not as thick or strong they still provide plenty of opportunity for deflection. Good head shots are considered shots within the inverted triangle of the tip of the nose to the brow-line.

Greg Ellifritz wrote a very good and short write up on head shots and within that article and his Extreme Close Quarters class he advocates that if the head is available to shoot, usually the neck is also available. There's a lot of very vital stuff in the neck (airway, nerves, major blood vessels and cervical spine) that can lead to incapacitation very quickly. It's also a decent opening to the thoracic cavity if you if you shoot down from the clavicle towards the heart and lungs.

If the head and neck are not available, the thoracic cavity containing the lungs and heart is another good target. It's large and not as well protected as the head. It also contains two of the most vital structures to life (the lungs and heart). Be aware that even direct hits to the heart and lungs do not always produce immediate stops.

The lesser vital organs of the body are tucked into the lower abdomen. Though they are not considered optimal targets they will do.

The pelvis is very vascular. That is to say it has a lot of major blood vessels running through it. There are also some major structures there that, if damaged, could make it impossible for an attacker to continue standing or use one or both legs.

Finally, extremity (arm and leg) shots are considered least ideal but, again, I would not hesitate to take the shot if it was the only one I could reasonably get while in extreme close quarters with an attacker and fighting for mine and my child's lives.

This is all being mindful of trajectory should the bullet pass through the intended target. If the bullet followed a straight path (sometimes it doesn't) would it exit the bad guy and enter your child or a part of you?

4. Knives and Other Lethal Tools
Some people prefer knives or other lethal tools in extreme close quarters if their state will allow them to carry them. Sometimes, if in a state that does not allow firearm carry a knife or other tool may be all that is available. Do you know how to target with a knife? Do you have any training in using a knife to incapacitate? What would you do to ensure you did not cut your child? If using another object as a lethal object such as a baton, are you confident you could hit the attacker and not your child? Are there be less optimal targeting areas with less risk to your child?

Now I'm going to add a few more monkeys to the pile. What if the attacker is holding a gun or knife to your child? What are you going to do? Is it possible to make a fight-stopping shot before he can pull the trigger or stab your child? If you are able to close distance and make contact, how are you going to ensure you and/or your child don't get shot or cut in the process? What is your priority, getting to his weapon or getting to your own weapon?


5. Injuries
Finally, what if your child is injured? Can you treat him or her?

When the body is injured it begins to compensate for the injury as long as can. When the body can no longer compensate for the injury it goes into a state of decompensation, the end of which is often death. Children decompensate faster than adults. Their bodies cannot sustain a compensated state as long. They have less blood volume to lose and their lungs often give out faster than an adult's.

Are you certified in child CPR? Can you stop a hemorrhage in your own child? What do you have on hand to aid you toward that end? If you have purchased a commercial trauma kit will all of the tools within fit a child? What about an infant? Do you know how to improvise things like tourniquets and pressure bandages if the items won't fit your child?

Don't be seduced by the idea that there are simple or easy answers to these questions or that you could "just shoot" someone holding your child. Imagine with me, if you will, the life-time of regret that may come from accidentally killing your child over a less-than-lethal situation or a poorly executed shot or act.

Don't let your passion for your loved one get them killed by your own lack of knowledge, training or skill--or worse, by your own delusion that such a situation is easy (legally, tactically, emotionally or physically).

Part One: Is It Legal
Part Two: Force Against Someone Holding Your Child

Realities and Legalities of Child Snatching: Part Two

Note: Throughout this blog I refer to some legal code and legal issues. All codes quoted are for the state of Iowa. Check for differences in your own state code. I am not a lawyer and all opinions are from a layman's perspective.

In Part One, we discussed the legalities of determining whether or not your could reasonably use lethal force against someone who snatched your child from you.

We discussed when someone snatching your child is kidnapping and when it is not per Iowa state law (I strongly recommend that parents look up the definitions of kidnapping in their own state).

In this segment we're going to discuss using less-than-lethal force against someone holding your child and, in Part 3 we will discuss using lethal force.

The scenario we started with in Part One was a woman snatching a child from a mother and not returning the child to the mother but neither fleeing the scene or showing intent to harm the child.

The goal is to get the child back unharmed and quickly. What level of force do we need to use to accomplish that goal? Do we even need force at all? Do not underestimate the power of a broad smile and a feigned, "Thanks for the suggestion," while you take your baby back.

Use your Verbal Judo. Understand deescalation and ways to calm yourself and other individuals and manipulate them into doing what you want.

Also, do not underestimate the power of drawing attention to the scene. A woman yelling, "She took my baby. Call the police! That woman has my baby," can be quite effective in making the snatcher with no ill-intent return the child for fear he or she will be perceived as a child-abductor. If you choose this method enlist the help of specific individuals on scene. Speaking in generalities to a crowd (if there is a crowd) tends to bring attention but little action. Find one or two specific people you can single out and command their action. "Ma'am!," (point to a specific woman) "Call the police. That woman took my baby. ... Sir!" (again, make it specific) " Help me! That woman has my baby." You are far more likely to get responses out of onlookers.

You don't always have to make it escalate to force if it doesn't have to go there.

But, because this is a blog about force, let's discuss it.

PART TWO: FORCE AGAINST SOMEONE HOLDING YOUR CHILD

Many people who consider using force against someone holding a loved one do so with little consideration to the fact that the loved one is an intricate part of confrontation.

Even considering hitting, pushing or use of other levels of force means the possibility that the child might also be injured. The age of the child may have a large affect on how much collateral damage the child can take. A newborn who is dropped because you hit or startled the individual holding him can suffer brain damage and more. A toddler might be able to take more but what levels of force are you willing to involve your children in at what age?

What level of force are you comfortable using and how would you use it to minimize damage to your child? What training do you have to make your force effective and targeted that might spare your child involvement? At what point would the potential for damage by your hand be worth the risk of death or greater bodily harm by the perpetrator?

There are several levels of force. From least amount to most:

• Presence
• Commanding voice
• Threat of force 
• Calling the police
• A threat to injure, wound or kill
• Brandishing a weapon 
• Physical Force
• Pushing, hitting, the use of less-than-lethal tools
• Lethal Force
• The use of open hands to maim or kill (eye gouges and choke holds), knives, batons, guns or the use of any other tool in a manner that can cause serious bodily injury or death.

Presence and Commanding Voice
Many people underestimate presence and a commanding voice. People who actually study inter-human relations based on posture, presence and voice have proven that individuals who act authoritative often receive the respect and deference their presence suggests. This includes confident posturing such as holding the head up, chest broad, hands on hips and feet planted and apart.

This combined with an authoritative voice (low, loud, and demanding) can often result in commands being met.

Men may not have as much difficulty adopting a commanding presence, especially around women who are smaller than they are. A man commanding a woman to give his child back in an authoritative manner would likely have the child immediately returned to him.

Women can find it more difficult to be authoritative due to our small statures and frame or cultural upbringing. Some women mistake volume for pitch and instead of sounding low and loud they sound high-pitched which can sound more panicked instead of commanding.

Many do not consider practicing a commanding, confident presence part of self defense training, however, that skill can end a conflict or even deter one from choosing you as a victim in the first place. Practice authoritative posturing and a commanding voice. Practice it in social environments (getting everyone's attention at a gathering, teaching a class, etc).

Threat of Force
If the simple command of returning my child did not work I would immediately call authorities. It is still a level of threat of force that does not pose any risk to myself and it establishes that the situation has gotten quite serious.

Be aware that the threat of harm can be assault if it is not justified. Also be aware that your threat of force could cause the individual to escalate into threatening harm to your child.

Physical Force
From here out the level of force you choose to use will depend on more factors than we could possibly discuss. Here are some things to consider.

In the scenario, the individual who snatched the child was a woman. Would your level of force be different if it was a man? How old is she or he? Are you comfortable threatening further force realizing that this may escalate the situation or would it be better to wait for authorities provided he or she continues to remain on scene and the implied intent has not changed?

If you choose to escalate are you considering the harm you might be putting your child in? Is your priority to get your child out of the situation or to fight? Have you considered, if you are armed, that if your weapon is discovered in the altercation the snatcher might try to go for it while in the midst of a fight? What would you do do defend both your gun and your child? Has there been any change in implied intent that makes you believe you need to act sooner rather than waiting for authorities? What level of force are you competently trained in? Could you go hands on with a woman or a man? Do you carry a less-than-lethal tool you might be able to use?

If your child is injured, how would you assess and/or treat him or her?

The suggestion of pepper spray was brought up in discussing the opening scenario on Facebook and this was a response that was given:



Consideration is being made for the child being exposed to pepper spray but no consideration is being put into the damage that could be done if the child was hit with a bullet. There's also little consideration going on as to the jump in force from non-lethal to lethal. The assumption seems to be that if you are justified in pepper spraying you are justified in shooting. This is simply not true.

I, for one, would GREATLY prefer washing pepper spray out of my child's face than trying to treat him or her for a gunshot wound. I would do anything I could to avoid bringing a gun into a situation involving my child (or any situation for that matter) and would not hesitate to use a less-than-lethal option if I reasonably believed it would be effective and minimize the potential for harm to my child.

Sometimes there is no time to consider less-than-lethal options or to attempt deescalation or verbal judo. The situation is immediate and dire. Action is demanded. But if you have time to consider your options you likely have time to deescalate or use a lesser form of force. If you choose to use force you must be competent in that use of force and decide its appropriateness in the given situation.

Part One: Is It Legal
Part Three: Lethal Force Against Someone Holding Your Child

Realities and Legalities of Child Snatching: Part One

Note: Throughout this blog I refer to some legal code and legal issues. All codes quoted are for the state of Iowa. Check for differences in your own state code. I am not a lawyer and all opinions are from a layman's perspective.

A scenario came up a few days ago that reminded me of a blog I wrote a few months ago titled: Will Your Passion For Your Loved One Save Them? If you haven't read it already feel free to click over and read. In a very small nutshell the blog is about people (particularly parents) who believe their passion for their loved one or child will provide them with needed skill they haven't learned or practiced.

In this extension of that blog we will talk about a very specific aspect of parental passion and terror: possible kidnappings and/or a potential hostage situation.

The scenario was presented to me on an armed motherhood Facebook page I sometimes pop into. A mother is putting her baby on her back in a baby carrier when another woman, thinking the practice dangerous, grabs the child from the carrier and begins to lecture the mother on safety, refusing to give the child back.

Nothing incites terror in a parent quite like the idea of a stranger snatching their child. Nothing. And it's understandable that a bunch of armed mothers, when presented with said scenario, would consider preparing to pull a gun on such an individual. Several mothers either said they would draw or at least prepare to draw their firearms. Some even admitted that they would outright shoot.


PART ONE: IS IT LEGAL?

Before we even get into the practicality of shooting someone who is holding your child I think we should talk about the legality. And, as a reminder, I'm no lawyer. The bottom line is that no matter how angry it makes you, someone snatching your child may not be immediate justification for lethal force. One must be able to point out what made him (or her) believe his child was in jeopardy of serious bodily harm or death before lethal force can be used.

I can't think of a single state that does not allow force (up to and including lethal force) to be used to stop a forcible felony (which is what kidnapping is). However, one has to define kidnapping and reasonably believe that such a crime is taking place. Is this kidnapping? Can a woman who snatches a child out of her own concern for the child's well-being, who neither flees the scene nor threatens the child or the parent be reasonably believed to warrant the use of deadly force?

The scenario has a lot of potential to progress many different ways but as the scenario stands is there a legitimate threat to the child's life or limb?

The fact that there could be serious question as to whether or not a crime warranting lethal force is actually being committed should make parents think very carefully about their actions in such a scenario.

There were three main self-defense principles that came to mind when I read the above scenario:

1. AOJP
AOJP stands for Ability, Opportunity, Jeopardy and Preclusion. The AOJP must be satisfied in order to justify use of lethal force in self defense (including self defense of another).
A = Does the attacker have the ability to do serious bodily harm or kill the child? Using the scenario above, if we assume the woman is a healthy adult then yes. She likely has ability. 
O = Does the attacker have the opportunity to do serious bodily harm or kill the child? Yes.
J = Is the child in jeopardy or serious bodily harm or death? Let's be honest here, this is a big unknown. Again, arguments could be made with all sorts of speculation but with nothing but the information we have to go on I'm inclined to say no (at this time).
P = Preclusion. Is there anything else that can be done besides lethal force? Or, in other words, is it absolutely necessary to use lethal force in this situation? Again, with the information given, I would have to say no. There are lots of less than lethal options at this point.

2. Intent
Intent is rarely brought up and heavily debated as to where it stands in the use of force continuum. Many proclaim you can never know another individual's intent. And even if one was to state his (or her) intent, how is one to know he is telling the truth?

When intent is clearly stated (especially when there are witnesses) it should not be (and usually isn't) ignored.

Behavior often immediately backs up stated intent or is considered "implied" intent. If the man who said he had a grenade and was going to blow himself up suddenly does fly to pieces, it's safe to say he correctly stated his intent. If an EMT says he's on scene to help and immediately starts to stabilize the C-spine, checks for breathing and pulse, it's safe to say he has correctly stated his intent. But if nothing is said the actions of violence or assisting imply an individual's intent.

In the case of the scenario above, intent is not exactly clearly stated but the woman's actions do not imply harm.

My husband and I had an interesting debate while picking through Iowa code where he plead the case of the parent and I plead the case of the woman doing the snatching. We looked at what, if anything, the woman could be charged with (in Iowa) for snatching the child and the level of force a parent could use in response that would be reasonable and lawful. Let's just say I would hate to be a lawyer, judge and/or jury in that case.

Kidnapping in our state means taking someone with the intent to do harm.

Snatching a child from a parent or legal guardian for the purpose of detaining a child but with no intent to harm by Iowa law is called "Child Stealing" and it's a felony. Not a forcible felony (such as kidnapping), but still a crime. And the witness pool (if there are witnesses) could be split on who they empathize with--a woman's ill-attempt to help a child or a mother.

In the end we both agreed that some sort of physical response could be justified. However, we could not find justification in our own minds for bringing a lethal weapon into the equation for a woman snatching our child and arguing without demonstrating intent to do harm or without being able to articulate why we believed our child was in danger of serious bodily harm or death.

Which brings me to my third point:

3. The Reasonable Man Doctrine (and the principles of reasonable force)
In a nut shell, you have to prove, in a court of law that the actions you took were reasonable given the circumstances and information you had at the time of the incident and that any other reasonable individual would do the same thing if he were in your shoes. Then the jury has to reasonably weigh that evidence and decide whether or not they believe you acted reasonably.

Per Iowa code, reasonable force is defined as follows (look up your own state codes and see if they differ):

"Reasonable force" is that force and no more which a reasonable person, in like circumstances, would judge to be necessary to prevent an injury or loss and can include deadly force if it is reasonable to believe that such force is necessary to avoid injury or risk to one's life or safety or the life or safety of another, or it is reasonable to believe that such force is necessary to resist a like force or threat.

Would pulling a gun be considered reasonable in this case with the information given? What do you think?

And how would you articulate to responding officers, a lawyer, a judge or a jury why you chose that particular course of action?

In this case, I'm inclined to think it would not be reasonable (yet) and I would defer back to the excellent advice or Rory Miller:

"It is better to avoid than to run; better to run than to de-escalate; better to de-escalate than to fight; better to fight than to die. The very essence of self-defense is a thin list of things that might get you out alive when you are already screwed."

Would I grab my child back? Try to deescalate? Use threat of force (calling the police included)? Pepper spray? The options available before getting to the gun are as vast as the imagination. As long as the woman was not attempting to leave the scene or demonstrating intent to harm, I'm inclined to try many different things before going to lethal force or even the threat of lethal force.


Part 2: Force Against Someone Holding Your Child
Part 3: Lethal Force Against Someone Holding Your Child

Will Your Passion For Your Loved Ones Save Them?

There's an old saying in the self defense community: You will never rise to the occasion, you will fall to the level of your training.

People much wiser and experienced than I have all proclaimed this to be true.

Yet, at the same time we do hear stories of individuals defending themselves and those they love with little-to-no extensive training and a strong will to survive.

People who feel that those like me are a little extreme in our training regime's often point to these stories as excuses as to why they don't feel like they need to train hard, often or at all. They might even use those stories as excuses to not be aware of their surroundings, take stock of their personal health and fitness or evaluate their personal preparedness.

Many rely on their pure passion for life to save them or someone they love, pulling out statements like, "It's not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog," or "If your will to survive is greater than his will to do you harm, you will be victorious!"

Where I see this bravado most in the self defense community is in parents. Their passion for the lives of their children burns so bright it blinds their own, honest evaluations of their abilities. They slam their fists into tables and say, "If anyone touches my child I will kill him!" and they believe it.

While I believe in the motivational power of these kinds of statements, I feel they are misleading in that they give an individual a sense of a power they may not possess.

The power to be skillfully violent.

And when confronted with a situation they did not know how to handle they fail. Then the doubt and guilt become almost unbearable. The parent whose child is kidnapped or assaulted questions his or her passion for the life of their child that they could stand by and watch something like that happen. How could one really love and not be able to protect from such horrors?

The problem is compounded by the comments on news blogs and videos where anonymous twits who have never had to face fear and violence can spew their uneducated opinions about how they would never allow something like that to happen to them or to their children.

Here are a few examples:
In this first video a mother runs from a knife-wielding attacker and leaves her 4 year-old daughter behind.

In this second video a mother watches as her daughter is taken out of the cart in front of her and held hostage at knife-point.

When I talk about these scenarios in my classes I get bombarded with the comments, "How could that mother just leave her child?.. How could that mother let someone grab her child?.."

I can promise you one thing. These mothers do not love their children less than you love yours. You are not special and they are not stupid. If you have an advantage over them it is that you are reading this, evaluating yourself and realizing your own potential to let this very thing happen to you or your children if you don't prepare yourself.

Why did they "allow" these things to happen? Because they were literally scared out of their rational thinking minds. It has a lot to do with limbic system brain function and a perceived lack of time, fear and the suddenness of the attack. One or all of those things overwhelm the rational, thinking brain and dump adrenaline for the flight, fight or freeze response. All primarily centered on self preservation, NOT the preservation of those around you (including your children).

But there are always those who will follow up watching these videos with, "I would have........"

And the armchair tacticians begin their proclamations about how they would have saved the day.

And I'm forced to ask a very tough but honest question.

How do you KNOW you would have done better?

What experience in violent encounters gives you the foresight to know how you may perform under life-threatening stress? What skillful, life-altering decisions do you make on a regular basis that prepares you for such situations?

Could you rise to the occasion? Some do. But they are the exceptions. Your normal, every day individuals are those like the ones you saw above. They have no great preparation or skill in self defense. Standing in shock as her child is lifted from the shopping cart in front of her or running away and leaving her child behind. Still others cover their heads, curl into a fetal position and hope they can deny what is happening to them until they are either dead or it stops happening. Others plea for a mercy that's likely not to come.

So many want to believe they are inundated with this great ability and talent to perform perfectly in life-threatening situations to save their own life or the lives of those they love. The fact of the matter is that even though our emotional stakes are raised when it comes to our loved ones our ability stays the same until we do something to improve it.

So how does one know whether they have what it takes to respond in such situations?

To steal from my good friend, Ellifritz:
- You are highly trained and skilled
- You have seen ways out of similar situations
- You have a history of winning in a similar situations
- You have practiced this type of situation before

A lot of us practice and train for a lot of situations dealing with attacks against our own persons. But many of us ignore practicing attacks that happen to those we love.

How many of us have practiced how we would respond to someone taking our child? How many of us have practiced what we would do if a loved one was in a fight for his or her life? How many of us have trained in what to do if our children are with us when the bullets start to fly?

Many people every year die in fires because they were going BACK for loved ones. They had enough sense to get out of the fire themselves but realized that they left their loved one behind and died as a result of attempting to go back for them. If you don't want to be running back into a fire you have to be prepared to save your loved one in the process of escaping yourself.

After showing the WalMart kidnapping video in a class of all mothers not to long ago I watched their faces become hard and animated with anger.

"What would you do?" I asked.

"I'd shoot him!" came the response from one. Everyone quickly agreed.

"How?" I asked.

There are glances around the room.

"He has your child in his arms. He has a knife to her. Are you even carrying your gun or did you decide you were just going to the grocery store so you don't need it? If you you don't have your gun what are you going to do? If you do have your gun and you decide to take that shot where would you shoot him? How do you make sure he doesn't cut your child in the process? Would you stand back or would you try to make a contact shot? Do you know how to make sure your firearm doesn't jam when attempt a contact shot? How to shoot so the bullet doesn't exit him and hit your child?"

My goal is to inspire thought and the room falls quiet as every mother is evaluating her skill vs her passion.

Don't let your passion for those you love deceive you.

Raise your skill to the level of your passion. Prepare yourself to defend those you love. Don't let yourself die in the fire of trying to go back.

Kids, Guns and Schools

When it comes to the subject of kids, schools and guns tensions start to rise. With school shootings seeming to happen more frequently and the terrorized knee-jerk reactions of politicians and frightened parents and teachers, never before have we seen children so punished for being children. Kids who talk about guns, draw pictures of guns, even point their fingers, bite pastries into gun shapes and wear gun shirts have been suspended, the police have been called, they have been expelled, punished, questioned to the point of wetting their pants and so on.

Our Son at 1 year with his first toy gun.

 The American parent is forced with a conundrum. What do I tell my child's school about guns and what don't I? Is it any of the school's business? Will my child be persecuted and his opinions be tainted because of the negative attitudes of staff against firearms? Will my child's teachers even care?

This is the first time I have had to ask these questions for myself because it is the first time I've put my child into school.

My son, who will turn five this year, is starting preschool this fall. While I desperately wanted to home school him I had to self evaluate and be honest with myself about my abilities to teach my own child at this stage in his life. I came to the hard conclusion that, as of right now, I am not the best person to teach him (for several reasons).

That being said, it should be a surprise to no one that guns are a very large part of my son's life. He sees guns every single day of his life. He makes everything (and I do mean everything) into a gun. He gets to play with trainer guns and toy guns. He knows how to identify the different parts of guns and anything that explodes makes his day. He begs us to let him go shooting with us and he's been to the range with us quite a few time to watch. He even demands to see our targets at the end of range sessions.

Of course he is not blind to what is on TV as well and his play reflects that. He talks about shooting bad guys and shooting down airplanes and every airplane toy he has is a combat aircraft that shoots any and everything which consequently explodes.

We continue to actively construct his play in a positive manner. We influence his morals in regards to firearms in that it is inappropriate to talk about killing people. However, I refuse to make him feel ashamed for liking guns. I will not attempt to reconstruct his entire idea of play in the few short weeks before he is off to school. I also refuse to construct an idea for him that his parents are ashamed of being gun owners by encouraging him to hide that part of his life when we are so open about it with him and so many others who we come in contact with every day.

I would also much rather be proactive than reactive.

At 2 years, learning how to load and unload a shotgun
with dummy ammunition.

His preschool teacher scheduled a home visit with me and our son and I fully intended to bring up the subject with her. If it didn't come up I would have brought it up and if she hadn't scheduled a home visit I would have sought her out to talk about the subject. I was (and am not) above going to the administration with my concerns and questions as well.

My intent was simple and two fold:
1) Inform them that guns are a part of my child's life and therefor can be expected to be talked about, drawn and mimed in school.
2) To gauge their response and to see if this was something that was going to cause problems for my son.

If this was something that was going to cause problems I would refuse to let him attend that preschool and I would find another that was more accommodating to his lifestyle.

I do believe in being modest about who you talk to about your firearms and I do believe in teaching your children to be modest about their firearms talk as well. I think it is important that children learn what is appropriate and not appropriate conversation in certain venues. However, in school, a place where they are encouraged to express themselves and where teachers are expected to get to know their students to better tailor their teaching to them, something as routine as a four-year-olds gun play is going to eventually come out. In which case, I'd rather it come out in a candid conversation between me and his teacher than through panicked, knee-jerk reactions to him constructing a gun out of legos.

At our home visit his teacher asked me if there was anything she needed to know about our son and his play. I openly explained that both my husband and I were firearms instructors. Guns are an every day part of our child's life and he talks about them and mimics play with them. I told her that he knows that talking about killing is inappropriate and can be corrected if that occurs. I expressed that in today's political/social climate guns can be a touchy subject and asked if that was a problem. She said no.

She thanked me for telling her. She asked if there were other things he would likely talk about like camping or fishing, favorite pets, and our conversation moved on to tornadoes. 

When I asked on my facebook page if anyone felt the need to discuss firearms with their child's teacher one commenter asked whether or not I felt it necessary to talk about the power tools in my home. While I agree that, to me, a firearm is no different than a power tool, it cannot be denied that the topic of Daddy's gun when brought up by a child in school is a whole lot more politically and socially charged than if that same child talked about his Daddy's power drill.

Some have expressed that it's not the teacher's business. Of course it's not the business of the teacher to know everything we own. But it is that teacher's business to get to know his or her student and to learn the interests and motivations of that child to help construct a learning program that works for that child. Knowing that a child has a great fascination and love for firearms would be on par with knowing that another child thinks he's Spiderman or loves bugs.

It's also the teacher's business to keep their children safe. Some teachers, driven by fear and the hyperbole regarding guns, believe the way to do that is to persecute and punish any child who talks about firearms.

Learning how to grip a handgun.

Having that kind of teacher for my son would be a recipe for disaster. He would be punished for the lifestyle his parents chose and for his loves and innocent play and that would be unacceptable to me. It would be a negative environment for him where he would not be able to learn and flourish. At worst it could negatively affect his opinion of me and his father because of our lifestyles. It would be irresponsible of me to put him in that environment. And the only way I would know what kind of atmosphere I would be subjecting him to would be to be open about it with his teacher.

As he ages and with every passing grade and with every new teacher (should we choose not to home school him or his sister) we will reevaluate any conversation we feel we might need to have with his teachers about firearms and their role in his life. If he moves on to enjoy other things then it's logical that talking about firearms and mimicking play with them will cease and there will be no need to bring it up once he understands that kind of thing is private. If, however, he chooses to compete in shooting sports, hunt or otherwise work with guns on a regular basis, I will be his advocate and do my best to insure his learning environments and teachers will not persecute him for those choices and interests.

I don't believe in being ashamed of being a gun owner and I don't believe in letting people who believe differently than me socially persecute my children to push their agenda and fear. Especially when I put them in a position of authority over my child.

The decision to make a proactive stance when it comes to my child's freedom to express his interests in firearms was the right decision for our family. It may not be for others and for a variety of reasons. And I respect that. Perhaps your family is not as passionate about firearms as ours is and your children do not have the same interests. Maybe you don't want your children to have interests in firearms and don't want them to talk about them or mimic play with them. Perhaps there is good reason for you to keep your firearm ownership a secret. Those are the decisions that you need to make for your own family and for your child's own education.

What about your family? Do you feel the need to take a proactive stance with your child's school regarding his (or her) interest in firearms?